Jokes-

1. Iiot Awards goes to

Number One Idiot : I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your award, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot : Early this year, some airline employees on the airfield decided to Steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed with the airline.
Here's your award, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot : A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag" While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a Few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the street told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was Arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's award. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number four Idiot : Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Oh, that's smart. Give him his award.

Number Five Idiot : A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked at it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs an award!

2.Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity..... Isn't that wonderful, said the teacher"
Student: "Yes Madam, but if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

3.Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.

Aishwarya Rai

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan or Aishwarya Bachchan (Birthname: Aishwarya Rai; Tulu: ???????? ??; born November 1, 1973) is an internationally renowned Indian actress. Before starting her acting career, she worked as a model, and gained fame after winning the Miss World contest in 1994.
Often touted as the most beautiful woman in the world, Rai made her movie debut in Mani Ratnam's Tamil film, Iruvar (1997). She had her first commercial success in the Tamil movie Jeans (1998), and came to the attention of Bollywood in the Hindi movie, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999), directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Her performance in the film won her the Filmfare Best Actress Award, and she successfully performed in Bhansali's next project, Devdas (2002), for which she won her second Best Actress Award at the Filmfare. Since then, she has acted in over forty movies in Hindi, Tamil, Bengali and English, including the international productions, Bride & Prejudice (2003), Mistress of Spices (2006) and The Last Legion (2007) in English.

Biography

Aishwarya Rai was born in Mangalore, as the daughter of Krishnaraj Rai, a marine biologist, and Vrinda Rai, a writer. Her family belongs to the Bunt community of Mangalore. She has one elder brother, Aditya Rai, who is an engineer in the merchant navy and also co-produced one of Rai's movies, Dil Ka Rishta (2003).
After she was born, her parents moved to Mumbai where she attended the Arya Vidya Mandir high school in Santa Cruz. Rai then entered Jai Hind College at Churchgate for one year, and then moved to Ruparel College in Matunga to finish her "HSC" studies. She did well in school and planned to become an architect.
She can communicate in several languages, including Tulu, Hindi, English, Marathi and basic Tamil among others.While pursuing her studies in architecture, Rai began modeling on the side. In the 1994 Miss India contest, she won the second place (behind Sushmita Sen), and went on to win the Miss World title the same year, where she also won the Miss Photogenic award. She abandoned her studies after winning the pageant and spent one year reigning as Miss World in London. Rai then started working as a professional model and then moved on to her current profession as an actress.

Career

Rai made her acting debut in Mani Ratnam's Tamil film, Iruvar (1997) with Mohanlal,and was introduced to Bollywood in the film, Aur Pyaar Ho Gaya opposite Bobby Deol, which also released that year; the film didn't do well at the box office.However, her third project, S. Shankar's Tamil film, Jeans (1998) was a critical and commercial success, earning her the Filmfare Best Actress Award South.
She went on to appear in many Bollywood films; a few successful films of her career include Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999), which earned the actress her first Filmfare Best Actress Award and Taal (1999), which gave her another nomination for Best Actress at the Filmfare; her performances in both the films were lauded.In 2000, she played a supporting role in the hit films Mohabbatein and Josh. Later that year, she starred in the Tamil film Kandukondain Kandukondain, which won her positive reviews.
In 2002, Rai appeared with superstars Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit in Sanjay Leela Bansali's lavishly produced Devdas. The film attracted overseas attention as well, receiving a special screening at the Cannes Film Festival. It was during this time that she garnered the attention of the West as an Indian actress and went on to appear in a few Hollywood projects. Devdas went on to become the highest grossing film of the year both in India and overseas,earning the actress her second Filmfare Best Actress Award.
As her name gained popularity overseas, she was chosen by Time magazine in 2004 as one of the World's "100 Most Influential People", and appeared on the cover of Time magazine, Asia Edition (TIMEasia) in 2003. She was the subject of a 60 Minutes profile on January 2. A month later she appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman. She also featured on Oprah's "Women Across the Globe" segment. In 2003, she acted in the critically acclaimed and commercial success Bengali film, Chokher Bali, an adaptation of one of Rabindranath Tagore's novels by the same name.
Rai has been a regular at the Cannes Film Festival since 2002, and was a member of the Jury at Cannes in the year 2003. In October 2004, a wax figure of Rai became on display in London's Madame Tussaud's wax museum.The same month, her first foreign film, Bride and Prejudice released. The film was an Indian version of Jane Austen's classic novel Pride and Prejudice. Her next overseas venture was The Mistress of Spices. She then appeared at the closing ceremony of the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne, as part of a performance showcasing Indian art, on behalf of the 2010 Commonwealth Games, to be held in New Delhi. In between her overseas acting stints, she appeared in the Indian film Bunty Aur Babli in a hugely popular seven minute dance sequence for the song "Kajra Re".
In 2005, Rai signed a three-year contract with L'Oréal, as a spokesmodel for the cosmetics company.
At the end of the year 2006, she had two releases: Umrao Jaan and Dhoom 2. While the former did poorly in India, her role in the latter, which was a sequel to the 2004 hit movie Dhoom brought her great attention. The film went on to become the biggest hit of the year, and sparked a controversy for a scene containing a kiss between her and Hrithik Roshan. fFor her performance, she received nominations for Best Actress at a number of award ceremonies, including Filmfare.
2007 saw the release of Mani Ratnam's Guru which premiered in Toronto. The film, based on the life of Indian businessman Dhirubhai Ambani, was critically acclaimed and did well at the box office. Her most recent film, Provoked, based on the book "Circle of Light" where she portrays a real life character, was released on April 6, 2007 in India and the UK. At the end of April 2007, her first American film, The Last Legion released in Russia and the Netherlands and later opened in North American theaters in August 2007 disappointingly.
Rai has previously dated Bollywood actors Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi. She is now married to Indian actor Abhishek Bachchan. The wedding took place on April 20, 2007.

Aishwarya Pics

Kaka

KAKA

Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (IPA: [xi'ka?du ?iz?'ksõ dus?~tus l?it?i]; born April 22, 1982 in Brasília), better known as Kaká, is a Brazilian footballer who plays for A.C. Milan of the Italian Serie A. He was the recipient of the prestigious Ballon d'Or and FIFA World Player of the Year awards in 2007.
Early lifeKaká was born to Simone Cristina dos Santos Leite and Bosco Izecson Pereira Leite. He has a younger brother, Rodrigo (known as Digão), who has followed in Kaká's footsteps by playing football for Milan.
He suffered a career-threatening and possibly paralysis-inducing spine fracture at the age of 18 as a result of a swimming pool accident, but remarkably made a full recovery. He attributes his recovery to God and since tithed his income to his church.
Club career

Kaká began his club career with São Paulo at the age of eight. He signed a contract at 15 and led the SPFC youth squad to Copa de Juvenil glory. Kaká made his senior side debut in January 2001 and scored 12 goals in 27 appearances, in addition to leading São Paulo to its first and only Torneio Rio-São Paulo championship. He scored 10 in 22 matches the following season, and by this time his performance was soon attracting attention from European clubs.

AC Milan, fresh from winning the 2003 Champions League, brought him aboard in 2003 for $8.5 million, a fee described in hindsight as "peanuts" by club owner Silvio Berlusconi. Within a month, he cracked the starting lineup, and has remained there since. His Serie A debut was in a 2–0 Milan win at A.C. Ancona. He scored 10 goals in 30 appearances that season, as Milan won the Scudetto and the European Super Cup.
Kaká was a part of the five-man midfield in the 2004–05 season, usually playing in a withdrawn role behind striker Andriy Shevchenko. He scored 7 goals in 36 domestic appearances as Milan finished runner-up to Juventus. Despite Milan losing the 2004–05 Champions League final to Liverpool F.C. on penalties, he was nonetheless voted the best midfielder of the tournament, and also finished ninth, with 19 votes, in the running for the 2005 Ballon D'Or.
The 2005–06 season saw Kaká score his first hat-tricks in domestic and European competition. On April 9, 2006, he scored his first Rossoneri hat-trick against Chievo Verona. All three goals were scored in the second half. Seven months later, he scored his first Champions League hat-trick in a 4–1 group stage win over RSC Anderlecht. The football world was beginning to take notice of a superstar in the making. Following Rui Costa's departure to Benfica at the end of the season, and despite the insistence of many Milan fans, Kaká turned down the chance to switch from his number 22 to the now-vacant number 10, a number typically associated with world-class playmakers. (The number was eventually claimed by teammate Clarence Seedorf.)
Shevchenko's departure to Chelsea FC for the 2006–07 season allowed Kaká to become the focal point of Milan's offense as he alternated between the midfield and striker positions. He finished as the top scorer in the 2006–07 CL campaign with ten goals, which proved a catalyst in steering Milan back to European success. One of them helped the Rossoneri beat Celtic FC 1–0 after extra time in the quarterfinals on a 1–0 aggregate, and three others proved fatal for Manchester United in the semifinals despite Milan losing the first leg. Following the convincing 3–0 second-leg defeat at the San Siro on May 2 that knocked out the English champions, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson declared that Kaka was one of the two best players in the world, alongside his charge Cristiano Ronaldo.The previous month, a panel of experts set up by Italian publication Gazzetta dello Sport proclaimed Kaká as the world's best footballer. Shevchenko also included his endorsement, while suggesting that Kaká deserved to win the Ballon D'Or.
Kaká added the Champions League title to his trophy case for the first time when Milan defeated Liverpool F.C. 2–1 in Athens on May 23, 2007. Though he went scoreless, he won a free kick that led to the first of Filippo Inzaghi's two goals, and provided the assist for the second. For his stellar play throughout the competition, he was voted the Vodafone Fans' Player of the Season in a poll of over 100,000 UEFA.com visitors. In June 2007, German football publication Kicker named him the world's best player, with Cristiano Ronaldo and Ronaldinho finishing second and third, respectively, while he was also given this honor by UK publication The Times. On August 30, 2007, Kaká was named by UEFA as both the top forward of the 2006–07 CL season and Club Footballer of the Year.
He played his 200th career match with Milan in a 1–1 home draw with Calcio Catania on September 30, 2007, and on October 5, he was named the 2006–07 FIFPro World Player of the Year.
On December 2, 2007, Kaká was officially announced as the European Footballer of the Year, becoming the eighth Milan player in history to receive the honor. He finished with a decisive 444 votes, far ahead of runner-up Cristiano Ronaldo. Upon accepting the award in Paris, he said, "It was an exceptional year and the Ballon D'or crowns an extraordinary 2007...I want to thank God who allowed me to be here today. I thank my wife, my parents and Milan, the team that allowed me to win. I also thank my teammates, both at Milan and Brazil, and all of the fans." On 29 February, 2008, Kaká agreed to an extension with Milan which will keep him with the Italian club through 2013.

National team

Kaká on the road with the national squad.Kaká made his debut for Brazil in January 2002 against Bolivia. He was part of the 2002 FIFA World Cup-winning squad, but played only 19 minutes, all of which were in the first round match against Costa Rica. During the final against Germany, coach Luiz Felipe Scolari was reportedly about to send Kaká on as a substitute, but he never made it into the game as the referee did not notice him waving on the sidelines to enter the pitch.
In 2003, Kaká was the captain for the Gold Cup tournament, where Brazil finished as runner-up, as did Kaká with a second-best three goals. He was also named as one of the competition's top eleven players by position. On June 29, 2005, he scored in a 4–1 defeat of Argentina in the 2005 Confederations Cup final, with a powerful shot into the upper right-hand corner of the net. He finished in joint tenth place in the voting for the 2004 FIFA World Player of the Year award, and finished two spots higher the following year.
Kaká started in his first FIFA World Cup Finals in 2006, scoring his first and only goal in a 1-0 victory over Croatia in Brazil's opening match. He was unable to keep up his momentum for the remainder of the tournament as Brazil were eliminated by France in the quarterfinals. On September 3, 2006, he scored again for Brazil, receiving the ball off a deflection from an Argentina corner kick and taking the ball down three quarters of the field to score.
On May 12, 2007, citing an exhaustive schedule of Serie A, Champions League and national team play, Kaká openly bowed out of the 2007 Copa América, which was won by Brazil. "I haven't had a break for three seasons. I won't have the form to achieve what is expected of me at an international level."Brazil coach Dunga took the optimistic route, declaring that while he was disappointed about Kaká's decision, his absence would subsequently free up a roster spot for a lesser-used player. Kaká, however, did play 70 minutes of Brazil's 1–1 friendly draw with England on June 1, but only 30 in a goalless draw with Turkey on June 5.

Personal life and religion

A devout evangelical Christian, Kaká became engrossed in religion at the age of 12: "I learnt that it is faith that decides whether something will happen or not." He removed his jersey to reveal an "I Belong to Jesus" T-shirt and openly engaged in prayer moments after the final whistle of Milan's 2007 Champions League triumph. Kaká previously sported the same shirt during Milan's 2004 Scudetto celebration and after Brazil's defeat of Germany in the 2002 World Cup final, and had the same phrase, along with "God Is Faithful," stitched onto the tongues of his boots. During the postmatch celebration following Brazil's 4–1 win over Argentina in the 2005 FIFA Confederations Cup final, he and several of his teammates, among them backup keeper Gomes and defender Lúcio, wore T-shirts with "Jesus Loves You" printed on them in various languages.
Kaká is a member of the organization Atletas de Cristo ("Athletes of Christ").His goal celebration consists of him pointing to the sky as a gesture of thanks to God, and he is proud that he was a virgin when he married. His favorite music is gospel music, and his favorite book is the Bible. Since November 2004, he has served as an Ambassador Against Hunger for the United Nations' World Food Programme, the youngest to do so at the time of his appointment.
Kaká was sworn in as an Italian citizen on February 12, 2007. He features prominently in Adidas advertising and also has a modeling contract with Armani, but the latter prevented him from appearing in a photo collection alongside his Milan teammates that was published by Dolce & Gabbana in early 2007. He married his childhood sweetheart Caroline Celico on 23 December 2005 at the evangelical Reborn in Christ Church in São Paulo, Brazil. Caroline is currently pregnant with their first child.
The Reborn in Christ Church, of which Kaká is a member, is currently under investigation in connection with its leaders, Estevam Hernandes Filho and Sonia Hernandes, who were sentenced to prison in August 2007 on money smuggling charges. Kaká, who has not been charged, was an annual donor to the church with contributions totaling nearly $1 million. He was sent a questionnaire by Brazilian authorities inquiring about connections with the leaders, but his spokesman denied that Kaká had actually received any such documents.
NicknameHis nickname is pronounced as it is spelled, with stress on the second syllable. It is a common term of endearment of "Ricardo" in Brazil. In Kaká's case, however, it was born from younger brother Rodrigo calling him "Caca" due to his inability to pronounce "Ricardo"; it eventually evolved into Kaká.He is occasionally called "Ricky Kaka" by the European media.

Honors

Club and national team
Torneio Rio-São Paulo: 2001

Supercampeonato Paulista: 2002

Serie A: 2004

Italian Super Cup: 2004

UEFA Champions League: 2006-07

UEFA Super Cup: 2003, 2007

FIFA Club World Cup: 2007

FIFA World Cup: 2002

FIFA Confederations Cup: 2005

Individual honors
Revista Placar Bola de Ouro: 2002

Campeonato Brasileiro Bola de Placar (best player by position): 2002

CONCACAF Gold Cup Best XI: 2003

UEFA Champions League Best Midfielder: 2005

Serie A Young Footballer of the Year: 2003

Serie A Foreign Footballer of the Year: 2004, 2006, 2007

Serie A Footballer of the Year: 2004,2007

UEFA Team of the Year: 2006, 2007

FIFPro World XI: 2006, 2007

UEFA Champions League Top Scorer: 2006-07

UEFA Champions League Best Forward: 2006-07

UEFA Club Footballer of the Year: 2007

FIFPro World Player of the Year: 2007 Ballon d'Or: 2007

FIFA Club World Cup Golden Ball: 2007

Toyota Award: 2007

FIFA World Player of the Year: 2007

World Soccer Player of the Year: 2007

Onze d'Or: 2007

World‘s best Playmaker: 2007

IAAF Latin Sportsman of the Year: 2007

Runner-up
Intercontinental Cup: 2003

UEFA Champions League: 2004-2005

CONCACAF Gold Cup: 2003

Niruta Singh

Niruta Singh

Niruta Singh (born in Darjeeling, India) is one of the leading actresses of Nepal. She debuted in the movie Dakshina, which was directed by Tulsi Ghimire. At the early stage of her career, she only acted in Tulsi Ghimire's movies, but after a movie called Thuldai, she started to work with other directors. She is best known for her acting. She has been seen mainly as the typecast role for many movies, though she broke the rule by playing a role of modern girl in Darpanchaya. She was linked up with director Tulsi Ghimire. Her latest hit film in her bag is Bandhaki directed by Kishor Rana and produced by Radha krishna films private limited. Bandhaki was a super hit which bagged more than 10 awards in the Nepali film festival 2062.
Only few people knows that she is a good singer as well. She sang a song with Dayaram Dahal in the movie Maiti.

Selected filmography

Niruta Singh was born in Darjeeling, India and did her schooling in the same area.

Year Title

1993 Dakshina

2003 Mitjju

2002 Rahar

1999 Thuldai

2002 Darpanchaya

2002 Nata Ragatko

2005 Bandhaki